Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?