I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"