i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
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I have feelings that need drinking.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.