I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?