i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight