I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
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Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.