I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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