This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
