I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
