If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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