So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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