Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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