I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
