i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
