you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
