the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
