You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's shark week go big or go home
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
