just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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