i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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