i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
two words: eviction party
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
