I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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