Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
