Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize