My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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