I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
