I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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