I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
