i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
