That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
