He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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