She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Alive.
So much puke
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
