broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
