wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
