If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
two words: eviction party
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
