I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
