I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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