sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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