Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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