It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
