Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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