So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
