I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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