I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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