I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
