just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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