He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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