Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
