Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
