woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
