it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
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Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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