When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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