alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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