my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
is it fun? or sober?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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