When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
