just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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