Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
