We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
