One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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