I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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