I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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