my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
